How to get by in a relationship – pretentious style

If you are ever asked why you never talk about your feelings (which has been asked of me weirdly enough!) or if you are accused of writing “Dear someone… errr… I love you” in their Valentine’s card (which, touchwood, I have never done) hit ’em with a bit of Derrida:

“Speaking frightens me because, by never saying enough, I also say too much. And if the necessity of becoming breath or speech restricts meaning – and our responsbility for it – writing restricts and constrains speech further still.” (Derrida, 1967)

Or, if in that tricky situation where you are both left in an awkward silence and he/she (oh no!) asks you what you’re thinking, hit them with an old favourite of mine – that sweet charmer Catullus:

” Odi et amo. Quare id faciam fortasse requiris. Nescio, sed fieri sentio, et excrucior.” Catullus Carmen 85.

“I hate and I love. Why do I do this, perhaps you ask? I don’t know, but I feel it happen and it torments me” (my bad translation, putting my A level Latin to some use, yay!)

In fact, you can stick that in a Valentine’s card. Providing he/she does not know Latin or know how to use Google.

I will add some more scenarios later. No, you’re welcome.